Standing on the outside, looking in

12 years or so ago: my nose pressed against the window, watching the joy and laughter inside, knowing that they are willing and happy to include me in their life. I've stepped outside for a cigarette, and am feeling outside in more ways than one. Even as I read it with today's jaundiced eye, and recognize it for the soppiness it is, it recalls the feeling.

Family

Standing on the outside
Looking in
Smoking a cigarette
While Mummy and Daddy
Take the children up to bed
Peering at the chimney
Looking for the smoke
That says there's a roaring fire inside.

Feeling childlike
This Christmas
Like Tiny Tim

This self imposed exile reminds me
As I press my face to the glass, that
No matter how much
They have chosen me
As family
And I them
I am still
Standing on the outside
Looking in.

#Written in at F&F's place, a couple of
#days after Christmas, 1994.

Last night, LOML and I went to a party down the street: we even had a babysitter to watch Boo and Skibo. What a perfect setup for a nice evening, you might think. And so it should have been, but for some reason I ended up feeling like the outsider again. At least partly it was brought on by having to drive the babysitter home afterwards, hence avoid the beer, wine and most especially the Pimm's. And resenting the fact that everyone seemed to be rubbing in the fact that I was able to drink only straight tonic water. No gin allowed.

To top it off, the sprogs were unwilling to go to sleep easily, and it was a full hour after returning from taking the babysitter home that they finally dropped off.

Oh well. Such are the bad days. For the good days, here is how to enjoy Pimms:

Sliced strawberries
Sliced oranges, lemons, limes
Mint sprigs
Thinly sliced cucumber (English/hothouse style please, not US)
Ice
Pimm's No 1
Your choice of ginger beer/ginger ale/7 up (lemonade to the brits)


Combine ingredients in suitable ratios in a pitcher. Stir. Pour. Drink. Suitable quantities might for example be 1 of Pimm's to 2-3 of mixer. For an especially sunny day, when consuming large quantities of alcohol might be dangerous, the following is an alternative:
a) drink three large glasses of water
b) replace the sodas in the recipe with champagne/sparkling wine
c) alternate glasses of Pimm's Royale with three glasses of water to avoid dehydration:-)

N.